First of all, thanks for the thoughtful and, frankly, non-content request based question. So discovering my fetish, like as realizing it’s a fetish, probably wasn’t until the mid-2000s on Queen Lizzy’s forum and finding Yahoo Groups that had fart content. If we go by first fantasy, the first one I recall with any clarity was in first grade.
As far as how it shaped the way I see myself, given that I like to write tragedies, I’d probably say that it’s probably a bit negative since my mind is constantly in that cruelty headspace of men are inferior, that we’re mere objects. These are things that are actually debunked when entering an actual BDSM community; like there are Masters and slaves but EVERYTHING is much more consensual than it appears or is talked about online.
On women, It’s possible the fetish, and other factors, has made me intimidated by women; I find it much harder to talk to women generally and it may be that I’ve internalized this idea that I must be lesser than them. It could just be self-esteem and confidence issues as well. The “stakes” are higher when talking to women because you want to come off positively, whereas you care somewhat less if a fellow dude has a negative opinion or thinks you’re weird or whatever. Women are somewhat of a rarity for me, in that I’m not able to get close to many so I don’t have much perception of women at all because I don’t have all that much experience with many women on any sort of deep level.
It’s also possible this fetish, and living on porn for a long time before I had a girlfriend, has diminished my vanilla sexual drive, which, in turn may be why my chemistry with women is poor. Like, for me, I’d rather be passive and have a female express interest in me, and such seems like the way a submissive should conduct himself, but the scene has quashed that perception entirely as it is, typically, the submissive that will try to solicit play from a Dominant. Men are still expected to be assertive, ask for what they want; I’m not like that and thus have the same difficult time connecting in the scene as I do in the vanilla world. One cavat to this though, is that, I have found it easier to have conversations in the BDSM scene, it breaks the ice in a way that I just feel less afraid to introduce myself to people and find out what they like. Sadly, to date, it’s never been farting.
I’m not sure my fetish had any strong impact on how I view the world, I had a lot of other factors take care of that for me. I will say that I did somewhat expect the scene, which is all about not kink shaming, to be a little more understanding of my fetish, or that I’d run into SOMEONE who’d be, at least, vaguely curious but fart fetishist are a shadowy lot who seem to indulge mostly though Professional Dominatrix and do not typically emerge into the BDSM scene. I’m at a loss as to where to find a Dominant woman who may be into farts or similar play (like facesitting and smothering at least) which is why I stay in the scene despite finding no peers thus far. I’ve started a local munch that hopefully will introduce me to some friendly brothers and sisters in fetish.
I’m glad to hear you’ve come to terms with the fetish, I have too, for the most part. After being in the scene for about two months, I was starting to feel out of place and isolated, even within the generally welcoming community. So I set up a ProDomme session of facesitting, smothering, and Master / slave role play; farting was intended to be included but was not due to a miscommunication. However, it was that session that reminded me of why I’m in the community at all; I’ve been whipped and flogged and even tased but none of that felt as good as having my face roughly sat on, being taunted about how I was merely a fart slave, kissing ass, having my head scissored, and similar good stuff. The quest now is finding someone who doesn’t view all that as too intimate to engage in for play; and while I get not wanting to do any of that with a stranger, especially at a public play party, I’ve yet to find anyone interested in that type of play at all, thus might be someone who’d want to establish some sort of relationship or dynamic with that sort of play in mind.
If I had to sum up the interests of the LA scene, it’s mostly populated with those that like impact, electro, rope, littles, and pets with needles and fire gaining a lot of interest. When you seem like you’re the only one who likes your thing in the local community, you start to feel like you don’t belong and it becomes harder to have the confidence to tell people about it when reactions haven’t been positive in the past. But, I’m also convinced that you can’t find it unless you talk about it; maybe it’ll come directly, maybe it’ll come via referral, but you have to talk about it to make it possible.
