Cursed

I've made the monumental error of believing I could talk about this fetish openly within the local kink community in LA which is quite robust and yet, in my view, rather shallow in interests. Then again, so are mine, but it's been difficult to have all my kink interests be basically non-starters to any conversation, garner laughter at some points, and just, basically, have to rethink my own interests or expand them into certain play aspects to be included. I fully understand that people view facesitting and worship and the like as very intimate. It's just like a tacit kink shaming where no one is disrespectful but you don't fit in because of what you enjoy; what you've basically been cursed with. And this fetish is a curse, even without the farting, my interests are all curses, who I am is a curse. I watch people play night after night and I just wish it was me who attracted some interest.

Being single again is destroying me.

Lacking Motivation & A Reason

My motivation to do this work has been in a tailspin for a bit, first to favor getting out in the community, now, likely, over the fact that it's just so under appreciated in the local community. Obviously I did this writing for you all (and myself), the people who enjoy it but, despite more than a decade of this, I realize how little anyone really cares. I'm probably putting my focus on the wrong people but you hope, the things you do, afford you some cred and that people find it interesting. But, so far, they don't.

That's not to say I'm not making friends on my own merits but it's hard being in a community that's constantly "playing" and you're generally not. And I must admit, I've probably done more play than a lot of people who do after only about three months in the scene but it's hard when there's no consistency, when you go out many night after night and nothing seems to happen. You're the man, you still have to take the initiative, even if you're on the submissive side of the slash.

Maybe things will work out, maybe this is just a temporary funk on my writing, maybe I'll find a reason to keep writing but, right now, I don't know what that is, what the point is, what's the benefit anymore.

In some senses, I am interested (sorta) in writing stories much less focused on our fetish; maybe I could rebrand myself and whatever...anyway, if you have ideas with broader fetish interests, let me know and maybe I can make it happen.

I wish everyone the best in life and in love; don't take for granted what you have, it may not be obvious to you, but someone wishes they were you and had your opportunities.

On Discovering My Interest in Farts

Originally posted at Fart Captions on Tumblr

anonymous asked:

When did you first discover your fart fetish? And how has it shaped the way you see yourself, women around you, and the world? I recently came to terms with it and am courious to know about you.

First of all, thanks for the thoughtful and, frankly, non-content request based question. So discovering my fetish, like as realizing it’s a fetish, probably wasn’t until the mid-2000s on Queen Lizzy’s forum and finding Yahoo Groups that had fart content. If we go by first fantasy, the first one I recall with any clarity was in first grade.

As far as how it shaped the way I see myself, given that I like to write tragedies, I’d probably say that it’s probably a bit negative since my mind is constantly in that cruelty headspace of men are inferior, that we’re mere objects. These are things that are actually debunked when entering an actual BDSM community; like there are Masters and slaves but EVERYTHING is much more consensual than it appears or is talked about online.

On women, It’s possible the fetish, and other factors, has made me intimidated by women; I find it much harder to talk to women generally and it may be that I’ve internalized this idea that I must be lesser than them. It could just be self-esteem and confidence issues as well. The “stakes” are higher when talking to women because you want to come off positively, whereas you care somewhat less if a fellow dude has a negative opinion or thinks you’re weird or whatever. Women are somewhat of a rarity for me, in that I’m not able to get close to many so I don’t have much perception of women at all because I don’t have all that much experience with many women on any sort of deep level.

It’s also possible this fetish, and living on porn for a long time before I had a girlfriend, has diminished my vanilla sexual drive, which, in turn may be why my chemistry with women is poor. Like, for me, I’d rather be passive and have a female express interest in me, and such seems like the way a submissive should conduct himself, but the scene has quashed that perception entirely as it is, typically, the submissive that will try to solicit play from a Dominant. Men are still expected to be assertive, ask for what they want; I’m not like that and thus have the same difficult time connecting in the scene as I do in the vanilla world. One cavat to this though, is that, I have found it easier to have conversations in the BDSM scene, it breaks the ice in a way that I just feel less afraid to introduce myself to people and find out what they like. Sadly, to date, it’s never been farting.

I’m not sure my fetish had any strong impact on how I view the world, I had a lot of other factors take care of that for me. I will say that I did somewhat expect the scene, which is all about not kink shaming, to be a little more understanding of my fetish, or that I’d run into SOMEONE who’d be, at least, vaguely curious but fart fetishist are a shadowy lot who seem to indulge mostly though Professional Dominatrix and do not typically emerge into the BDSM scene. I’m at a loss as to where to find a Dominant woman who may be into farts or similar play (like facesitting and smothering at least) which is why I stay in the scene despite finding no peers thus far. I’ve started a local munch that hopefully will introduce me to some friendly brothers and sisters in fetish.

I’m glad to hear you’ve come to terms with the fetish, I have too, for the most part. After being in the scene for about two months, I was starting to feel out of place and isolated, even within the generally welcoming community. So I set up a ProDomme session of facesitting, smothering, and Master / slave role play; farting was intended to be included but was not due to a miscommunication. However, it was that session that reminded me of why I’m in the community at all; I’ve been whipped and flogged and even tased but none of that felt as good as having my face roughly sat on, being taunted about how I was merely a fart slave, kissing ass, having my head scissored, and similar good stuff. The quest now is finding someone who doesn’t view all that as too intimate to engage in for play; and while I get not wanting to do any of that with a stranger, especially at a public play party, I’ve yet to find anyone interested in that type of play at all, thus might be someone who’d want to establish some sort of relationship or dynamic with that sort of play in mind.

If I had to sum up the interests of the LA scene, it’s mostly populated with those that like impact, electro, rope, littles, and pets with needles and fire gaining a lot of interest. When you seem like you’re the only one who likes your thing in the local community, you start to feel like you don’t belong and it becomes harder to have the confidence to tell people about it when reactions haven’t been positive in the past. But, I’m also convinced that you can’t find it unless you talk about it; maybe it’ll come directly, maybe it’ll come via referral, but you have to talk about it to make it possible.