Saturday, July 8, 2017

ASSTR is Down

After the downtime on July 5th, ASSTR appears to be running as an archive; my site came back to a years older version of itself, the Form Mail code provided by ASSTR no longer seems to function, and there's been no response from the Admins at this time.

If ASSTR is really gone, that's a big loss to the world of erotica writers; I've been on there for 10 years (June 2007) and saw great results from having my more than 200 stories posted there.

I'm back up on another host for adult material but this discovery and presumption is saddening.

Wednesday, June 21, 2017


I've made the monumental error of believing I could talk about this fetish openly within the local kink community in LA which is quite robust and yet, in my view, rather shallow in interests. Then again, so are mine, but it's been difficult to have all my kink interests be basically non-starters to any conversation, garner laughter at some points, and just, basically, have to rethink my own interests or expand them into certain play aspects to be included. I fully understand that people view facesitting and worship and the like as very intimate. It's just like a tacit kink shaming where no one is disrespectful but you don't fit in because of what you enjoy; what you've basically been cursed with. And this fetish is a curse, even without the farting, my interests are all curses, who I am is a curse. I watch people play night after night and I just wish it was me who attracted some interest.

Being single again is destroying me.

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Lacking Motivation & A Reason

My motivation to do this work has been in a tailspin for a bit, first to favor getting out in the community, now, likely, over the fact that it's just so under appreciated in the local community. Obviously I did this writing for you all (and myself), the people who enjoy it but, despite more than a decade of this, I realize how little anyone really cares. I'm probably putting my focus on the wrong people but you hope, the things you do, afford you some cred and that people find it interesting. But, so far, they don't.

That's not to say I'm not making friends on my own merits but it's hard being in a community that's constantly "playing" and you're generally not. And I must admit, I've probably done more play than a lot of people who do after only about three months in the scene but it's hard when there's no consistency, when you go out many night after night and nothing seems to happen. You're the man, you still have to take the initiative, even if you're on the submissive side of the slash.

Maybe things will work out, maybe this is just a temporary funk on my writing, maybe I'll find a reason to keep writing but, right now, I don't know what that is, what the point is, what's the benefit anymore.

In some senses, I am interested (sorta) in writing stories much less focused on our fetish; maybe I could rebrand myself and whatever...anyway, if you have ideas with broader fetish interests, let me know and maybe I can make it happen.

I wish everyone the best in life and in love; don't take for granted what you have, it may not be obvious to you, but someone wishes they were you and had your opportunities.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

On Discovering My Interest in Farts

Originally posted at Fart Captions on Tumblr

anonymous asked:
When did you first discover your fart fetish? And how has it shaped the way you see yourself, women around you, and the world? I recently came to terms with it and am courious to know about you.

Friday, May 19, 2017

Kink versus Secretary: The Presentation of BDSM

This comparison was written as an assignment for a Domme

The documentary film Kink is explored through the most common venue for BDSM play, a brick and mortar location in a discreet looking commercial building; places where lifestylers know content is created or play is performed. Other than in the privacy of bedrooms, kinky activities are far more likely to happen in a specific place of business or organization, a dungeon in other words, which is designed for that type of play. This runs contrary to the narrative film Secretary which is presented within the realm of fantasy, almost to the absurd level of a pornographic film or other erotic work which feature workplace BDSM themes frequently. For example, Lee Holloway, in the opening scene, is preparing her bosses office and conducting business while in bondage; this is a highly unlikely situation for a legitimate and productive place of business, especially a legal office, outside the realm of fantasy. There’s really only one scene in Secretary in which actual work is prioritized, when Holloway attempts to get punished for a spelling mistake she catches but does not correct; this is the only scene that breaks from the fantastic and, in many ways, impossible workplace setting and gives the audience a sense that kink play does not generally consume one’s entire life, it’s apart of life for which there is a time and place for, even within a Master / slave dynamic.

One of the largest differences in presentation between Secretary and Kink is that, while the latter is mostly about scenes, especially scenes in the production of kink pornography, the former is about a constant Master / slave dynamic, however, there are a lot of aspects which Secretary portrays as fantasy and unreal whereas Kink is heavily focused on the reality of BDSM play, which is applicable for both short term play and the continual Master / slave dynamic.

The difference of fantasy and reality can be important simply from a logistical point of view. The film Secretary, like all narrative films, plays within a staged world; Kink pulls back the curtain on the setup required for a scene and, by extension, the setup that would go into staging the world for the film Secretary. Pornographic films, like their narrative counterparts, would have the viewer believe that these “realistic” fantasies can play out instantly and with minimal effort, but the entirety of planning, production, and even editing is completely missed by those who only look at the finished product. It’s no doubt that the all encompassing idea of the negotiation of a scene would not make for an entertaining scene in a narrative or pornographic film, but its omission serves as a further reminder of the clear differentiation between fantasy and reality.

Specifically, Kink shows the logistical planning necessary for a good scene; examples include having a pipe long enough to ensure the dildo can penetrate the bottom effectively and checking in with a bottom to ensure he’s bound in a way that is not dangerous to his well being. What Kink also demonstrates is a thorough negotiation of desired kinks with respect to what a bottom can handle and would like to experience, but also play that a Top would like to incorporate that may not be a bottom’s desires but still not a hard or soft limit, thus acceptable. Kink makes it clear that a bottom is in control of the scene and entirely safe from being permanently harmed. In broad terms, it is the idea of consent which is wholly unmentioned in Secretary, but it is a paramount tenet of any BDSM play for both Top and bottom; the submissive is essentially giving the Dominant permission to be sadistic and dominant towards them, as Director John Paul mentions in Kink. Director Tomcat also mentions that the bottom is put first and anything they are uncomfortable with won’t be done; this is an element that breaks from the fantasy of narrative films and thus not included despite being of great importance to actual BDSM play.

Though Kink is about fetish film productions, the same forethought, planning, and preparation goes into ensuring a private scene is handled safely and sensually. The idea of necessary setup to playing a fantasy was at no time clearer than during the Force Fantasy Role Play class I attended; the class exemplified the need for planning not only for safety but to have a good scene. Some examples of pre-planning included having multiple knifes, some dulled for when a struggle is negotiated into a scene, but also working out how to conceal the switch from a sharp to a blunted knife so as to avoid breaking the scene’s continuity for the participants.

In the same vein as Force Fantasy Role Play, there is an element of mutual agreement to play the scene. I find this exemplified in Kink when Director Maitresse Madeline is showing the male submissive how a Top would step on a cock that doesn’t actually hurt it but the pain is sold through expression on both participants’ part. Much like an actor in a narrative film, while the pain may not be real, the mind is required to make it feel real so the performance of pain can actually be believed on camera. This speaks to a psychosomatic element of BDSM play where the pain or idea of pain is desired but without the concern of real and permanent bodily harm. In essence, the mind will make the pain feel real because of the willingness to participate in the element of play, not necessarily because actual harm is inflicted. A strong example of this also comes from the Force Fantasy Role Play class in which we were taught that actual chloroform will induce vomiting in the victim when they wake; this is an element no fantasy or narrative cares to cover when involving the apparent use of chloroform to knock out a subject. Instead, a safe substitute is used and the victim essentially allows themselves to pretend to pass out as a consensual and willing participant in the use of scented water disguised as chloroform.

Kink also shows technique in a way that narrative works like Secretary do not; this is shown when Director Van Darkholme is passionately reminding the Top in the scene on the proper and very specific method to punching. When the Top demonstrates his punches, Darkholme is not shy about informing him his technique would induce pain in a way they aren’t seeking. This may be an element more specific to fetish productions but the importance of how to perform and ensuring the use of kink elements safely, including punching, is important for any type of play, anytime.

At the same time, in Kink, Jessie Lee of the Talent Department makes a clear point that pain is intended to be felt and push a bottom’s limits to a invoke a real response and emotion, not just pretend. In essence, the idea is that the bottom should safely lose themselves in the scene, despite the scene being at least partly of their design. The aim is to hurt, not harm, in a way that allows the reality of planning and setup to fall away in favor of the pure enjoyment of the scene. This is exemplified in the Darkholme directed scene involving the Violet Wand, the bottom is seen as near disorientated by the mind fuckery. Though a clearly negotiated part of the scene, the bottom almost cannot turn off a visceral response to the Wand even when the scene is not actively filming; Darkholme is required to break through the apparent subspace of the bottom to speak to the performer about his actual limit regarding the implement. This occurs perhaps because the logical and rational parts of the mind are given a back seat to the more instinctual response centers which allows for the immersement and true enjoyment of the scene; in broader terms, a consensual loss of full consciousness within a safe and controlled setting. Kink makes it clear that, for productions, the visceral responses are being actively sought; the same is likely said for personal kink play, the idea is to tread that fine line between pretending and doing actual harm.

The most glaring omission from the reality of kink play, in Secretary, is there’s no discussion of expected safety procedures such as safewords and inquiring about potential health conditions or triggers which could arise during scenes of play. In Secretary, the elements of kinky play are treated as if accepted in a common employer to employee relationship; taboo but wholly unseparated from the workplace, turning a law office into a quasi-dungeon of sorts but also still, somehow, a place of non-kink, legal business.

The concept of aftercare is also shown in Kink; this is something no narrative BDSM film shows as it breaks with the continuity of the film’s fantasy. While the aftercare in a BDSM production would not be filmed and shown to the audience, aftercare will still occur off camera for the very human participants of the kink scene to come down from the high intensity abuse. In fantasy, like Secretary, the abuse is what is appealing but this is because the viewer is a third party observer; in BDSM play, the participants need their human psyches reassured, comforted, and brought back from the edge of destruction. As Director John Paul mentions, to not provide this aftercare is to be “as bad as an abusive husband.” The film Secretary is short on aftercare and submissive validation; Grey controls Holloway very firmly but is limited in his validation of her work which is what leads her to act out in order to arouse him from his perceived disinterest. This is also exmplified in the scene where he mastrbates on or around her ass, Holloway is quite clearly missing something from the dynamic that leaves her looking shellshocked. Her needs, as a submissive, are not being met and she’s essentially left in subspace, feeling used with no clear reciprocal enjoyment derived from Mr. Grey’s use of her body, essentially as an object. The film Secretary, in fact, uses the idea of aftercare as its conclusion, in the scene where Grey carries and sensually washes Holloway’s body. This type of care, nurturing, and reassurance would be needed far more frequently in a real kink dynamic or else it would leave a submissive feeling far too low and worthless. In a true BDSM dynamic and with elements of kink play, the submissive’s needs are treated as just as important as the Dominant’s so they can continue to provide good service without being quickly used up and disregarded. The film world of Secretary makes it seem as if BDSM relationships are about power and abuse when, in reality, there’s far more concern about consensual enjoyment for the parties involved, however, the audience doesn’t see this in the narrative film; the layman can only derive a sense of obsession, abuse, and neglect from the dynamic that Grey and Holloway share.

The lack of a real negotiation to the dynamic also leads Holloway to feel a significant dearth of validation she clearly requires for her work. She is repeatedly and harshly chastised, and it seems to fuel her to improve but, the fact that her additional hard work isn’t properly validated is clearly a missing link for her within the dynamic between Holloway and Grey. Holloway is practically pushed into submissiveness by Grey’s heavy handedness, coupled with her strong desires to please. While this plays well in fantasy, it’s unhealthy and dangerous for a submissive’s psyche in reality. Holloway and Grey are, in essence, operating on separate understandings; Grey believing he is allowed to have total control over Holloway who seems at least partially unaware she’s entered into any sort of dynamic other than one of professionalism and courtesy between employer to employee. Holloway’s dynamic with Mr. Grey ends on a similarly unclear note, with him firing her from the job and, by extension, his service. In a true BDSM dynamic, everything would be much more open and discussed, not hidden behind a thin veil of professionalism and regret.

In the reality of the film Secretary, kink elements, such as spanking, are introduced like fantasies; there’s no planning or discussion of what’s acceptable and what isn’t. So when Grey spanks Holloway while she reads her typed letter, it presents BDSM in a way that essentially leads the audience to believe that it’s a legitimate method of punishment in a workplace dynamic, whereas the reality is that it’s an element of play agreed upon between consenting individuals. Holloway is not consenting to kinky play so much as submitting to Grey as her abuser; she may appreciate his desires to improve her but her total willingness and acceptance to be Grey’s punching bag is uncommon and also inappropriate in a healthy and true BDSM context.

What’s worse is Secretary uses what are assumed to be more negotiated dynamics as jokes, such as they guy who wanted Holloway to pee on his porch or the man bound by the stove and pummeled with tomatoes. These characters, with their brief cameos, are to be seen by the audience as freaks of the BDSM community, when, in reality, their desires, likely negotiated off screen, are far more in line with what kink play is supposed to be, rather than the fantasy workplace dynamic of the main characters Holloway and Grey.

As loose as the world of BDSM seems from the outside, as Director Tomcat in Kink says, “it’s a world with rules.” But Secretary breaks from this reality which is exemplified throughout the film but cumulates in an early scene where Mr. Grey begins issuing red ink corrections on Lee Holloway’s work as a quasi-punishment for disloyalty he perceives when he spies on Holloway and her boyfriend, Peter, at the laundromat. Even putting BDSM aside, no explicit discussion of anything beyond a business relationship between Grey and Holloway ever takes place on screen, thus any feelings of jealousy would be highly improper as there was no agreement made between them for any such exclusivity. So Mr. Grey’s punishments are merely a heavy handed control tactic used against a technically non-consenting player; or, more simply, it’s abuse rather than a kinky game. If playing devil’s advocate, one could argue Mr. Grey’s red pen methods are for Holloway’s self-improvement, as would be expected in a good Dominant / submissive relationship, and if not for Grey’s jealousy fueled intent, however, the lack of a real negotiation and consensual agreement invalidates this as a positive presentation of the dynamic. Grey appears far more interested in mere control and influence over the very impressionable Holloway rather than seeking consensual enjoyment for their non-established dynamic; while he may be trying to inflict positive change upon her life, he does so of his own selfish accord and without Holloway as an explicitly consenting participant at first. Grey is exerting dominance much more because he wants his dynamic a certain way; in the reality of the documentary Kink, as in real BDSM play and relationships, all the participants need to be on board and agreeable to their dynamic, be that temporary for a scene or more long term.

By the midway point of the film Secretary, Lee Holloway is acting as a full time slave to Mr. Grey and engaging in pet play and even as strict as having Grey control her food intake, much to the chagrin of her family at dinner. While it’s fairly clear that Holloway is consenting to all of this and enjoys it, the lack of any true discussion between parties makes it a poor presentation of BDSM play for the audience who might take away that you initate a kink relationship by being hyper controlling and merely bending someone over a desk to slap their butt. While not interesting cinematically, the element of a proper negotiation to Grey and Holloway’s Master / slave dynamic is perhaps the most important aspect that Secretary completely omits. Kink, by contrast, shows at least two thorough negotiations that take place prior to going into a scene; the same would apply to any good Dominant / submissive dynamic as well.

While Secretary does demonstrate a Dominant / submissive power exchange, it convolves the idea with Holloway’s sexual fantasies during masturbation. While those in the community know that sexual relations are not always the goal in Master / slave dynamics, the audience is left to believe that perhaps Holloway is doing these submissive activities to earn the respect and, eventually, the romantic hand of Grey as an equal. While this is possible, it’s seemingly not the norm; Secretary uses its platform to cover more of a budding office romance with elements of kink play involved as a quasi-rite of passage, but it can’t properly be categorized as a true BDSM presentation as it is missing far too many elements of safe, sane, and consensual play.

The omission of important elements of negotiated kink play in narrative films, despite how uncinematic, is what contributes to society’s misunderstanding and hatred of BDSM despite having little to no intimate knowledge of its many facets which put consensuality and safety as the top concerns always. Lee Holloway in Secretary is portrayed as pursuing a carnal instinct that is to be seen by the viewer as inappropriate and that is wholly rejected by her boyfriend. The film does little to dispel this misconception or kink shaming of Holloway’s desires. Secretary exemplifies the incorrect way of approaching BDSM relationships and play, a reality in which those elements are shunned rather than embraced and nurtured. It’s this same tacit vilification that fuels more conservative society into a frenzy, claiming the BDSM community is full of emotionally damaged people and rapists taking advantage of them. Kink is a documentary attempting to clarify those misconceptions but will never be seen by those who need the eye opening experience to what BDSM really is, as opposed to what narrative films would have us believe. With Lee Holloway leaving a mental institution for self-mutilation, Secretary perpetuates the stereotype of kink participants being broken people. While there is surely something in our backgrounds which brings us more eagerly to the world of BDSM than most of society, it’s an incorrect presumption to stereotype kink players as those who engage in self-harm as a form of escapism from abusive households but Secretary provides no counterexamples to its main character who embodies those stereotypes. It’s this way of looking at kink that leads the layman to believe it is something to be cured, a psychological abnormality that must be fixed rather than understood as an alternative way of experiencing pleasure.

In Secretary, Mr. Grey’s self-hatred of his Dominance and kink enjoyment, shown in the letter he types and then shreds, gives further credence to a casual observer that their dynamic is wrong and something to be corrected. A similar concept is illustrated near the end of Secretary when Holloway’s boyfriend asks her why she does not remove her hands from Mr. Grey’s desk and she replies that she does not want to; as well as the following montage of her loved ones parading in to convince her to give up the charade as they see it. These scenes exemplify the outside world’s feeling of needing to protect those perceived as vulnerable to harm. In Kink, it’s far more understood that BDSM play can be a healthy exploration of desired sexuality and sensuality though it’s discussed, by Director Tomcat, how the layman might believe the “fallen woman” idea applies to women in Holloway’s position and thus need protecting and saving, even if only from themselves and their own consensual desires.

There’s also a sense of pride that can be gained through BDSM play. In Kink, Director Princess Donna mentions that putting your body through an intense situation can lead to feelings of personal growth; she expresses the idea that a person comes out stronger than they were going into that emotionally and physically challenging ordeal. Late in the documentary she also mentions the empowering feeling of realizing, as a submissive, that you’re in control and that no one would be stepping in to save you; in essence, a submissive is emboldened to take the reigns and understand the limits of what they can take, not only in BDSM play but also in life. Though it’s clear Holloway, in Secretary, does derive a sense of pride from her submission and obedience, what isn’t as clear is that she is in control in the situation. For example, Holloway sitting at Grey’s desk for three days without eating or drinking anything puts her in real and mortal danger; this is, in addition to the fact that it’s assumed that Grey has left her alone, unattended, for at least some length of time before her family, friends, and the media start to hold vigil for her. Holloway’s submission is to be seen by the audience as passionate dedication, an attempt to prove herself, rather than a gift of service given to a trusted and respected Dominant. While there is definitely a need for a submissive to prove themselves to a potential Dominant, this should never come at the expense of personal safety and real harm; that’s an aspect that Secretary, focused on the fantasy, does not portray.

Fantasy films, like Secretary, also leave the audience to believe that the kinky play is all off the cuff and improvised on the spot. Of course viewers know the film is scripted but they allow themselves to get lost in the “reality” of the film. Kink shows that the participants are all, at least fairly, aware of what will transpire during the scene; not every detail may be known but the general idea of what occurs during the scene is well negotiated and agreed upon by all parties involved. In pornographic productions, as in narrative productions, what seems improvised quickly is actually the work of careful planning, setup, and discussion. As Jessie Lee mentions in Kink, good BDSM play shouldn’t involve total mystery towards what’s going to be done and who it’s going to be done with; kink play should always be fully disclosed so it can openly accepted and consensual on the part of all parties involved before going into a scene and at all times during that scene. In contrast, the film Secretary introduces play through Lee Holloway’s subtle acts of subjugating herself, such as practically begging to do dull work and eagerly volunteering to dig through the dumpster for Mr. Grey’s lost notes; there’s no negotiation of a scene, instead these acts, within the film, are used as a sort of test by Grey to gauge Holloway’s submissiveness.

One element that Secretary does touch on that Kink does not is the different dynamics that exist between people, specifically that Lee Holloway is submissive to Mr. Grey but it’s heavily implied that Grey is submissive to Tricia O'Connor in some respect. Later in the film, Holloway becomes controlling of her boyfriend in the bedroom, demanding that her clothes stay on during sex and the lights turned off; this is Holloway exerting her Dominance over her more agreeable and submissive boyfriend, thus creating her own dynamic and mini-negotiation of a scene. This is another element that is likely overlooked by the casual audience member of the narrative film but it’s something that’s expressed heavily in BDSM classes; essentially that anyone that identifies as either Dominant or submissive does not necessarily always remain in that category in every situation of their lives, whether that situation be sexual or otherwise. Kink does touch on this briefly while the two models in the office are discussing how they are one way in their personal lives and prefer the opposite when it comes to what they enjoy and want they want to do as kinky play.

In a general sense, BDSM reality and fantasy can be thought of in similar terms merely because of the fact that the kinky play, in most cases, is taboo and not acceptable out in general society as Videographer Five Star mentions in Kink. That taboo element is a similar thread that runs through BDSM play in the world of Kink and in Secretary. The difference is that Kink is hyper aware that it must create a reality in a controlled setting where those societal norms are suspended. In contrast, films like Secetary allow themselves to play out in an everyday setting in which the audience is expected to suspend disbelief in regards to how plausible the scenario is, in favor of enjoying the fantasy world of the motion picture. While Secretary speaks slightly to an element of taboo towards the activities that transpire, the stakes are wholly fake for the actors involved. In the world of Kink, that element of taboo also exists, but the stakes with respect to personal safety, confidentiality, and reputations are very real.

There is a positive parallel between Kink and Secretary though it is likely missed by casual viewers of the latter, it’s the aspect that those that do kinky play are just normal people who don’t wear corsets or gimp masks at home. This is nowhere better exemplified in Kink than in the post-gang rape scene where the actors are all talking about their lives, one specifically about an organic, vegan donut tower cake substitute he would get for his nine year old child’s birthday. Secretary, and other fantasy films, do explore this idea of normal people, in normal settings, doing BDSM play, but this aspect is surely lost on most audiences; for most viewers, Lee Holloway and Mr. Grey only exist in the reality of the narrative. Additionally, this one downplayed aspect does not make up for the other glaring omissions of safe, sane, and consensual play that are shown in Kink.

The film Secretary, and similar films, also continue to perpetuate the idea that, generally, women are submissive, men are Dominant. It’s true this paradigm exists and perhaps is even the majority of lifestylers but it contributes to a self-image problem for submissive males in this country specifically. American narrative films only approach the topic of male submission as a joke, like a sight gag in an American Pie film. So far, to my knowledge, only female submissiveness has been explored in any serious or dramatic context, except for a few examples such as Blonde Redhead’s music video Dripping and, of course, the Kink documentary. Kink is in no way hesitant or in any way less serious towards its treatment of male submissives, but this remains an area in which Hollywood and American independent narrative filmmakers are unwilling or viably unable to explore. 

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Insecure and Introverted

My Domme I've been talking to via Kik broke up with me. I can't say I'm surprised given our interpersonal distance but it hurts a lot because of how difficult it is for me to connect, deeply, with people out in the community at large. I've made a few acquaintances but no one I feel like I could share these insecurities with.

It's hard having an unknown and misunderstood fetish in a community of people who, generally, enjoy impact and other more pain inducing types of play. There's no group or clique for fart fetishists or even people who like facesitting out here in the community. I'm starting a munch for our kind but I don't hold any misconceptions that it'll be well attended.

Fart fetishists are in the shadows, paying ProDommes for sessions and then talked about in classes, like in a humiliation class I just attended. We're not out and proud, in fact, the community seems to prefer us hidden and out of sight; none have expressed any sort of intellectual curiosity towards the fetish.

I don't know how this gets better. Outside help I suppose, people who know people on a more intimate level saying, "hey, I know this guy into that"...but maybe they aren't. Maybe there's none who do it for enjoyment, maybe it's all a money making operation because our kind is willing to pay for the privilege. 

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Two Months in the BDSM Community

Two months ago I made my entrance into the Los Angeles BDSM community; in that time, I've gone to over 30 different things including classes, munches, play parties, and even ProDomme sessions. I'll also be attending DomCon this weekend for the first time ever.

Overall, the community is great and welcoming. As always, it's sometimes hard to break the ice but there are definately a few who will try to make it easier at some of the better, more communal dungeons. I've met some great people, friends I'd say at this point, and a lot of acquaintances as well.

But, on the fetish side, no one I've conversed with is really down or interested in fart fetish; in fact, it seems many are hearing it for the first time. It feels very isolating when there's a large part of the community into impact and higher intensity play, and your interests, by contrast, are for more intimate, at best, like facesitting, and downright odd, at worst, like farting.

I've definately understand that those elements make for much more intimate play, but I too am looking for a much more intimate connection than someone hitting me at a party; they certainly can if they want to, within reason, but it's not exactly my idea of a good time.

It's definately going to be a journey that I hope has some excitement along the way.